Pulse (2006)

Technology and horror have met in movies before. Some of those encounters have been good (The Ring) and some of those encounters have been bad (Stay Alive). Pulse is in the latter category. This film is a lifeless, uninteresting, remake of a Japanese horror movie called Kairo. With little ingenuity, the entire 85 minutes, from start to finish, is perhaps the most painful time you’ll have to sit through. The characters are not characters but are just cardboard cut-outs meant to fill the screen. The pacing of the film resembles that of an industrial factory. The director, Jim Sonzero, was reading from the horror cliché instruction manual. Take a character. Isolate the character. Add ominous music. Kill the character. Repeat.

As far as a plot goes, a virus gets leaked on to the internet, then people start to see images of ghosts or phantoms. The entire population becomes so haunted by these images they end up committing suicide. A few flashes of television news gives indication that it’s a world wide epidemic. Those that don’t commit suicide have the fate of becoming black ash. If that sounds like a bare bones synopsis, well, that’s really the meat of it. No explanation as to how these phantoms appeared on the internet is given.

Kristen Bell plays the unremarkable lead role, while the other actors are of the C-list variety–although Samm Levine from the great but cancelled sitcom Freaks and Geeks makes an appearance. Not to suggest that these young people aren’t talented, but the script has absolutely nothing for them to do.

All the scenes are dreary and grey. The cinematographer gives only a slither of light so you can barely see the outlines of the actors. From a stylistic standpoint, the images are interesting…if they were in art book. Otherwise, the cinematography adds little or nothing to the already paltry amount of suspense.

Pulse does not try anything new and can’t even get the old stuff to work. This is perhaps the worst film I’ve seen all year. At least BloodRayne was interesting in how awful it was.

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