In the run up to the 2004 U.S. Elections, the Republican campaign is focused on their commitment to get same-sex marriages (and if possible abortion) banned by amending the Constitution. They feel that marriage between a man and a woman is the only moral way and that same-sex marriage actually undermines heterosexual marriage. Their viewpoint is not so different from most Orthodox Jews as we see in this moving documentary by Sandi Dubowski.

Dubowski interviews an array of Jews who vary greatly in age, orthodoxy and degree to which they are openly homosexual, but they don’t vary in the pain and sadness they experience when shunned by their families or when told by rabbis to change into heterosexuals or remain celibate.

Many of the interviewees are filmed anonymously, including an Israeli woman who explains in silhouette that she can only cope with her marriage by taking anti-depressants as her husband refuses to accept her pleas for a platonic relationship. On the other side of the world in Brooklyn, New York, is Israel Fishman, a man whose family broke off all contact when he told them he was gay. He especially mourns the distance from his 98-year old father with whom he has not spoken in twenty years and it is particularly moving when he stands on a New York street saying, “I’m 58 years old and I just want my daddy”.

The film jumps around a lot between the interviewees, some appearing just once which is a little disorienting and makes the film feel rather haphazard. The quality of the shots also varies greatly, but it didn’t bother me most of the time. The many Hebrew and Yiddish words used by the interviewees are subtitled in English which is a little startling at first, but which I appreciated more than Dubowski assuming we all know what ‘Frum’ means (Observant).

The first time I saw this was at the Dutch IDFA documentary festival and the director was present to answer questions afterwards. He explained that the film has evoked varied, but overwhelmingly positive responses from within Jewish communities, even some Orthodox ones. This may well be thanks to Dubowski’s respectful approach to his subject. Although his standpoint is clear, he did not resort to demonizing the staunch Orthodox families and rabbis, but instead concentrated on his interviewees’ inner turmoil which becomes all the more heart-wrenching when you see that their love for their Jewish faith is as strong as their desire for the loving relationship which is denied them within that faith.