Remakes. Every good movie that was released let’s say 20 to 50 years ago gets its remake these days. Very often a sign of weakness in the hills of Hollywood, where they ran out of ideas ten years ago. One of the most powerful horror movies of the 70’s, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been given that treatment. Well I haven’t seen the original, so the only way to approach this 2003 remake is by seeing it independently. What I do know (but just because I read so much about movies besides seeing them) is that his remake is far more explicit in its imagery and they kinda changed the ending a bit. If you want to read more about the original, click here. If you want to know more about the one coming out soon, here in the lowlands, please read on.

A group of youngsters are on their way to Dallas to go to a rock-concert. They’ve just got back from Mexico with loads of weed and almost crash into a girl who is walking on the road. They decide to give the girl a lift. She is distorted and confused and mumbles something about the fact ‘he has killed them all’. Then she kills herself (allowing the cinematographer to use one of the most spectacular shots since the one through the coffee can in David Fincher’s Panic Room). The five kids go to a small bar to call the sheriff and report the death. The only way to reach the sheriff quickly is by driving with the dead body to a nearby house. And I guess you see it coming: that’s when the real trouble kicks in. The house is inhabited by a strange guy, ‘Leatherface’, who has a habit of (mis)using his chainsaw… and clearly not for the purpose of gardening.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the motion picture debut of German music-video director Marcus Nispel. He is very visually oriented and, in that sense, his take on the 1974 classic is absolutely stunning. Everything has clearly been photographed and set-dressed in order to look impressive ‘ even the filth, the dust and the gore. Although I cannot tell what features in the original and what does not, the 2003 version is loaded with clich’s of every kind imaginable. Every person the main characters meet is as loony as the current president of the USA. Every place is scary and inhabited with psychos. And every situation is one we have seen so often that they would make even our nightmares a clich’ if they occured in them: a lonely house with bad wooden floors and rats, and a guy that has all kinds of body parts lurking around the house ‘ in the bathtub and in his fridge. And, of course, this movie follows the biggest horror movie dogma: main characters doing anything a normal panicked person wouldn’t do.

From the moment on the guy with the chainsaw enters the screen, all supense is gone. We all know what is going to happen. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the large sense of been-there-done-that type of scenes. I am a total wuss when it comes to scary movies, being perfectly able to sit one through at home, but banging my forehead every time I decide to go and see one in a cinema. Well, for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre I could have saved myself the effort. It is simply not scary. If you want to find the scariness in this one you will find it in the gore and the sound effects (ever tried seeing a horror movie with the sound off? It is not scary at all). The movie’s trailer was very promising using the soundtrack of the original ‘ as I’ve been told. The real thing however, had me leaving the movie theater with a huge sense of emptiness.

Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker and Erica Leerhsen
Official website

‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ runs 98 minutes, opens January 22 in the Netherlands and is already showing in the UK and US.
____________