Finally, almost 30 years after it came out, I watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a group of friends on Halloween. What a magnificent 80 minute cocktail of horrendous acting, sickening slashing and some great shots.

We rented the Special Edition, uncut version which came with a little booklet explaining that the story is loosely based on the true story of Ed Gein, a deranged murderer who sometimes ate his victims and made furniture out of their bones. In The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, five hippies in a van drive through Texas and pick up a hitchhiker who unsurprisingly turns out to be violently disturbed. They run out of gas (of course) and plan to spend the night in a deserted house where one of them grew up. Predictably, they barely make it through the afternoon alive, let alone the night.

The first half of this film simply annoyed me. It’s unclear what they are supposed to be doing in Texas in the first place, there is absolutely no character development and the acting is god-awful, especially Paul A. Partain as Franklin, a whining fat guy in a wheelchair. Consequently, I didn’t give a toss that these kids were going to get slashed and actually found myself begging the killer to chop up the cripple first. The second half, once the slashing gets going, is better.

Silence of the Lambs and Blair Witch Project obviously got some inspiration from TCSM as there are countless skeletons, chicken feathers and scalpings to be found here too. The scenes in which our killer, Leatherface (brandishing a chain saw, of course), chases after a blonde, screaming hippy chick through the shrubbery are more humourous than scary. In a later chase scene (very near the end) it’s hilarious to see the chaser purposely not allowing himself to catch up with his victim by running zigzag behind her, just as you do when you’re playing tag with little kids and want to let them win.

To give the movie some credit: the soundtrack and sound effects were pretty damn good, contributing greatly to the eerie, crazy atmosphere. There were also many great shots to be found in-between the endless (typical early-70′s) zooming in and out. Director Tobe Hooper effectively filmed from high and low angles, although at times I suspected the low angles were implemented just so you wouldn’t see the dolly rails. Look out for some brilliant ultra-close-ups of the girl’s green eyes as she verges on insanity from the sadistic torture she is made to endure.

What disturbed me the most in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was not the gore, (as you don’t really see that much of it) or the chainsaw-chases (Benny Hill eat yer heart out), but the scenes in which the young girl is at the sadistic mercy of the perpetrators, stuck in the middle of Texas in the middle of the night. After all, it is based on a true story, so I assume that people like that do exist. Brrrrr…..

Basically, it’s a trash, cult classic that made me laugh more than scream, but which I’m glad to have finally seen. What a poetic ending to a review!

5 out of 10.