The subtitle of this movie reads: “Some men should not be found”. Well, I’d like to change that to “Some movies should not be made, let alone watched”. I cannot possibly imagine what the two lead actors, Benicio Del Toro and Tommy Lee Jones, were thinking when they signed their names to this disaster. Maybe they were forced into it by having certain body parts wedged in a bear trap, or they might have been subjected to some very potent drugs which make people do very stupid things. You see, I’m trying to come up with a logical reason that will explain how two such fine actors ended up in this nightmare.

I must not have been the only person to draw this conclusion, since the movie didn’t really make it to the Dutch cinemas. However, you will soon find this at your local video rental. I already checked the DVD for you, so you don’t have to (hey, isn’t that illegal?!).

The story can be described in one word: Rambo. This is actually an unholy remake of First Blood: army guy goes bonkers, hides in the woods, offs a couple of people, gets stopped by his old commander, The End. Oops, sorry for the spoiler! Del Toro plays Sly Stallone and Jones plays a ragged Richard Crenna. Incidentally, Mr. Jones gives yet another stale imitation of his awarded role as the relentless manhunter, like he played in The Fugitive and U.S. Marshals. What a sad sight. There is absolutely no character development in this movie, which might have given some minute lustre to the non-existent story. The characters are so dull and one-dimensional, one would almost hope that Jar-Jar Binks would make a cameo appearance to spice things up. The director, William Friedkin, should be horsewhipped for abusing two such talented actors; his name should be permanently changed to Alan Smithee.

Was there then nothing good about it? Well, it was good to see both actors were quite fit. Especially Jones proved to be still in good health. The knife-fight at the end was quite good, it reminds me of that great quote The Punisher once made: “When in a knife-fight you’re gonna get cut. Expect it. Accept it.” I seriously hope Benicio Del Toro will redeem himself in the near future and pull a nice ‘Travolta’ on us. Jones did look better with beard, but is equally in dire need of a decent movie and a different role. I shall try to forget and move on.

Rated: *1/2 out of 5 (for the sheer hell of it).

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